still

in love, and now more than ever. He came over last night, and we watched episodes of "Curb your Enthusiasm" on DVD - what a funny show! And we ate and talked and it was sooo very nice. And he said, I was always attracted to you, but now I realize that you're beautiful. I turned away because it made me feel uncomfortable - I don't FEEL beautiful and when people tell you things that don't fit your image of yourself, it's weird. He cradled my face in his palm and said these fateful words that sent me further and deeper into the exhilarating abyss of love: "Listen to me, what I'm trying to say is that I'm in love with you." Gosh, I melted into a puddle. And before he left, we hugged again and he said: it's great that we are in love with each other, and I feel more and more comfortable with you. I said something in agreement, though not nearly as eloquent and he left, wearing my vest because the night turned cold. Gosh, when he opens up and reveals something of himself, it's like he is giving me a precious gift. The cynical side of me just says that he just knows exactly what to say and when, but when I'm lost in his eyes, that side of me doesn't exist.

Shortcut

got a new haircut on Saturday and I love it!
It's short, fun and easy.

My doc said

I escaped his clutches long enough as far as a Tetanus shot is concerned, so he gave me one. The scratch is not too bad, a bit red, but not large and not deep (she didn't really want to hurt me, she just wanted me to let her go), but he said to keep an eye on it and if it gets worse, to go back for some heavy duty antibiotics.
My arm hurts from the shot, but I didn't pass out from the needle, which is a miracle...

Cat Chronicles

Our Prissy, the big fluffy grey (not fat, just big boned, thank you very much) cat is too big to clean her own bum and back regions, and because she is so darn fluffy and because she is not too keen on being brushed (though since one of our guests, 12 yr old Michele tried it once, she is a bit more tolerant of the brush), her fur is all matted around her bum. So, this weekend I decided to take matters into my own hands and got an electric trimmer. They assured me at Pet Smart that this sucker will cut through matted fur, so I got it. Prissy seemed to sense immediately that there is some sort of danger coming her way because she slinked down to the basement and climbed on top of the mattress that's standing up against one wall and huddled there. I took her down, murmuring reassuringly, but she just KNEW. Her body tensed up, and by the time I put her on the dining room table, her fur (the non-matted part) was standing up. At first she was just silently fuming about the undignified treatment she was getting and let me cut the top part of her back, but once I got to the mats, she wanted none of that. She started pitifully meowing, and Daisy (the smaller black cat) immediately ran to the rescue, also crying at the top of her lungs, demanding to know why we are hurting her step-sister. Lydia was also hanging around, despite of me telling her to stay away. As Prissy began to growl, Lydia said: Mommy, don't you think a PROFESSIONAL should do this? I said, yes, that would be nice, but I don't really want to pay a $100 to shave the cat's butt. To top it all, the stupid thing WASN'T cutting through the big mats, so I had to take scissors to those parts, and then use the trimmer once the mats were smaller. At the scissors, Prissy growled louder, and when I put the trimmer to her again, she hissed and growled and some really unearthly sounds came out of her, and then suddenly, she flipped on her back (I thought I was holding her quite immobile with my one hand, but obviously, for all her size, she is very agile), bit and scratched me, leaving a jagged scar across my palm and ran for her life, right back down to the basement. I decided it was best not to pursue at that point, instead, I cleaned the scratches and put a giant band-aid on the biggest one.
And since I can't remember when I had a tetanus shot last, I'm going in to see my doc today, as the scratch is getting red and puffy and tender. So after all that, I'm just gonna call the cat grooming place. Maybe they have some happy gas or something they can use on Miss Priss so she doesn't rip everyone to shreds...
And after she is shaved, I'm just going to slowly and carefully introduce daily brushings... We'll see how that goes... You know, she is the biggest pussy cat, constantly demanding rubbing and attention in this tiny little meow, so I'm really surprised she's got so much fight in her! I guess under that fluffy harmless exterior, there is a wildcat inside, and if you piss her off, watch out...

Anjani

I rarely buy CD's anymore, I usually download, but yesterday I wandered into Chapters (for the wonderful Chai Latte they have) and browsed through the store for some bargains (I love the Clearance section there). Predictably, it was the cover that caught my attention, just because the woman on it is so exotic looking, not pretty in a conventional sense, but arresting and beautiful and different. Her name is Anjani, and a lot of her songs are written by Leonard Cohen (who I love, love, LOVE for his lyrics and that sexy deep voice). Her voice is smoky and dreamy, the lyrics are beautiful and suit her voice perfectly.

No One After You

I danced with a lot of men
Fought in an ugly war
Gave my heart to a mountain
But I never loved before
I'm nervous when you turn away
My heart is always sore
Tuxedo gave me diamonds
But I never loved before

Been on the road forever
I'm always passing through
But you're my first love and my last
There is no one, no one after you

I've lived in many cities
From Paris to LA
I've known rags and riches
I'm a regular cliche
I tremble when you touch me
I want you more and more
I taught the Kama Sutra
But I never loved before

Been on the road forever
I'm always passing through
But you're my first love and my last
There is no one, no one after you

Thought I knew the facts of life
But now I know the score
Been around the block and back
But I never loved before

Pussy Pillow

We got out of the office early today and I went downtown to walk around at the Market (I LOVE the Covent Garden Market, though not as much as Trail's End - that one reminds me more of home). So I decided to drop by Libido on Talbot, to check out those interesting pillows I saw the other day. And YES, they ARE for sale, an old lady in California makes them, her artist name is Bad Mimi. The pillows are lovely, and she has a tag on them that says: Act like you have a diamond between your legs. And it also has a short "history lesson" on the power of the vagina. So, I splurged on one of these (NOT cheap), a huge pillow, all in burgundys and reds, a soft feathery trim and silky folds for labia, and a DIAMOND (well, ok, a rhinestone) for a clit. It was too hilarious to resist. I also splurged on an AWESOME G-spot vibrator, as the Rock Chick I got last year in Toronto (at the Cum As You Are shop) doesn't quite do the trick. The Chick has a vibrator bullet at the base of it and the stuff that's supposed to stimulate the G spot is the farthest away from the vibrator, so it does... NOTHING. Now, THIS baby has a moving head that rubs AND vibrates at the end, plus it has all these soft knobby bits on it, so it should be JUST perfect... I'll let ya'all know once I've tried it (with proper warning so those with more delicate sensibilities don't have to read it). I also saw these CUTE panties called "Frilly Knickers", rows upon rows of lacy frill on them, and they DO come in 1-3X for those with bigger bottoms... They had pink and black ones. But alas, it was $45 for all that frill and I've charged enough on my Visa with the two items I already got... Gosh, I love, love, LOVE that store.

Meme (from J-Girl)

Thanks for tagging me, you KNOW how I love these!

Things that scare me
*Violence, physical and verbal
*Being lonely
*Insects with many legs (especially if they run around in my bathtub!!!eeek)

People who make me laugh
*Ellen DeGeneres
*Michael Moore (though he makes me think and cry, too)
*My new favourite, Harmon Leon (OMG, the FUNNIEST political humour I've EVER read)

Things I hate the most
*Intolerance
*Needles
*When someone hates me for no reason

Things I don't understand
*A LOT of things in this world, but mainly why we care more about the rights of criminals then their victims?
*Why does it matter if Pluto is a planet or a dwarf planet?
*Why I always fall for the guys who don't love me back?

Things I'm doing right now
*Doing this meme
*Eating pizza
*Listening to my kid and her friends play

Things I want to do before I die
*Travel abroad by myself or with just girl friends
*Have an equal-rights, healthy relationship with someone I'm really happy with.
*Watch my kid grow up and be happy and well-adjusted.

Things I can do
*be a friend
*make Hungarian Goulash and Cabbage Rolls
*give a great blowjob

Ways to describe my personality
*loving
*generous
*moody

Things I can't do
*deal with finality (saying goodbye forever)
*make decisions that affect other people
*stick to an exercise and diet plan

Things I think you should listen to
(sorry J-Girl, I'm totally stealing two of your answers, but it's PERFECT)
*your own instincts and thoughts
*children playing and laughing
*music that fits your mood that moment (like having a soundtrack to your life)

Things you should never listen to
*people putting you down
*anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, like vicious gossip or racial jokes
*a small baby's cry without picking her/him up

Things I'd like to learn
*Confidence in myself
*Make Pussy Pillows
*Speak an exotic language, like Japanese

Favorite foods
*Anything Chocolate
*Shrimp and other seafood
*Pasta

Beverages I drink regularly
*Ice Tea
*Coffee
*Green tea

Shows I watched as a kid
Well, some of these nobody heard of, unless they grew up in Hungary...
*Rumcajsz, a show with a bearded robber and his wife and kid who lived in a forest and he was a highwayman by profession (amazingly, this show had a lot of lessons on sharing, love, and family)
*The adventures of the little mole (A kisvakond kalandjai), sooo cute, a Polish cartoon series.
*And for those who grew up here, yes, we watched the Muppet Show on Friday nights and the Roadrunner on Saturday mornings, even behind the Iron Curtain...

People I will tag with this meme (on email since they don't blog):
Hedi
Barb
Linda
D. (who won't do it, guys rarely do)

Obviously,

How You Are In Love

You fall in love quickly and easily. And very often. In relationships, you tend to be a bit selfish. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

Thanks for the quiz, J-Girl.

What do you get

a person who has EVERYTHING? E., the boss lady, had a DISASTER for an office today, packages and baskets and wrapping paper everywhere, even a tin tub, one of those that people sometimes photograph babies in, as if anybody would actually bathe a baby in one of those... So I said, ermmm. what's a tub doing in your office? She looked at me, exasperated: Oh, it's for this gift... Apparently, one of our oldest clients got married and M. and E. were going down for a meeting anyway so they wanted to get him a gift. This guy is 73, the bride is 68. The guy (I think his name is Ed) is quite well off, M. told me he lives in a penthouse of an apt. building - that he owns, of course - overlooking the marina in Windsor, he has at least one condo complex (no, not one condo, a WHOLE bloody complex is his), so it's not like he needs a new toaster or cheese grater. So E. (because it's ALWAYS up to the woman to worry about such things as wedding gifts) was assembling a HUGE gourmet basket for this guy, personalized and unique, just for him, with LOTS of booze and sweets in it. It just kinda made me think about the difference between the lifestyle of a person who is wealthy, and a person (like most people I know) who live paycheque to paycheque (if you're lucky enough to have a job). I mean, I wouldn't want to be extremely wealthy, I realize that obscene wealth is more of a burden than it's a pleasure, but it sure would be nice not HAVING to work, just do what you WANT to do, to take trips to different locations, to get away for a weekend in the spur of the moment, to go to a spa and get a facial and a pedicure once a month, to give in to urges of generosity when they strike you ( I LOVE buying gifts for people). I think I could get used to that...
What would YOU do if you had money? and how much money would you consider enough?
For me, if I could have an investment income of 3-4 grand a month, I'd be quite happy.

A bunch of lushes

is what we are at this office. (I fit right in.) The pretty Welsh assistant, S., had a visitor; her brother. He came into the office and S. went to E. and said: I have a date for ya, here is my brother. E. comes out of her office (remember, E. is the owner's wife, a proper lady at first glance), sees this guy, fluffs her hair, extends her hand and says: Hi, I'm single. Of course, heads of accounting girls and assistants immediately pop up over the cubicle walls and you could almost hear the collective gasp as they check him out: he is HOT! OH MY! Tall, dark (little bit of gray), handsome, rugged and ahhhh that Welsh accent. Black faded t-shirt, jeans. GRRRRRR. So of course everyone had to scurry to someone's cubicle and discuss the visitor. Meanwhile, E. says coyly: oh, here comes my husband! (like it's a surprise that she has one). Introductions were made and S. took her hot brother off to lunch, while the cute 19-yr-old receptionist was also fluffing her hair and her cleavage was lower than it had ever been. Too funny! At lunch, I HAD to ask who knows what about Mr. Hot Stuff. He is divorced, apparently going through women like there's no tomorrow, as one of the girls put it: no one has ever dated him, because you just don't have the time - by the time you'd start dating you're already replaced. He also had 4 heart attacks!!!! (I'd think no one who had 4 heart attacks could possibly look this good, but what do I know?)

tired today

even though I went to bed early and even slept in a bit, but I'm just dragging my butt this morning... headache, cramps, just all-over yucky feeling. Hormones suck and we women are blessed with a whole bunch of mood-altering ones... I'm now under the influence of the draggy butt hormone, with a dose of the moody irritable one thrown in. Doesn't make for a pretty combination. Best to avoid talking to anyone today and bury my head into financial statements. :-)))

well,

G and I are done... It seems we are in a check-mate situation and neither of us are willing to budge. He asked me to give up my lover and I asked him to give up booze... not gonna happen, on neither counts... And... remember a few weeks ago, how DEVASTATED I was when I thought it was over with lover? Well, I'm not now... calm, a bit relieved, actually. A bit sad, but not nearly the mess I was then... Interesting...
Actually, things are just beautiful with lover. He seems to have given up on the notion that he needs to keep me at arm's length, except for the occasional sex. We are getting together quite often, he comes over, or I go over to his place, and it's not always just me asking if we can get together, he actually wants to as well, and we do normal things... like watch a movie or read to each other or order pizza. It's NICE! It's COZY! and I'm so happy I could fly!!!!!!
My friend Hedy was here yesterday, we went shopping for gifts for the girls in Hungary (my great, amazing email friends) and their babies and kids. Spent a LOT of money, even though we only bought one little thing for everyone, but still... 4 women, their kids, a couple of babies... And then she came to the Talk Exchange, it was great to have her there. On the way there, she said she'll just sit and not talk, but then she did contribute to the conversation and had a nice chat with Ross and Donovan after the group meeting ended. She thought everyone was really great and she felt comfortable. It was wonderful to spend the day together... I'm so jealous that she is going to Hungary! I wish I could go as well... maybe when Lydia is bigger, we can go there together.

Binging

Arrrgh! Must be PMS-ing... but I CAN'T STOP EATING!!! Yesterday's damage: After a normal breakfast (low fat muffin, coffee), I started my little binge fest with 3/4 bag of M&Ms before lunch; then 2 cans of pop, 3 slices of Pizza Hut pizza (with Garlic dip) at lunch because we won "Office of the Day" on Bob FM and got 7 large pizzas, so I had to try the veggie and greek AND canadian. For supper, a very healthy salmon and lettuce salad, and then I had to ruin it with 1\2 bowl of macaroni and cheese (left over from Lydia's supper), 2 scoops of banana nut Haagen Dazs ice cream, 5 two-bite brownies with milk. Then really went over the top with a slice of pizza (with Xtra cheese) late at night with D. when he came over hungry.
This morning I started out well enough with a 12-grain bagel w. light cream cheese, but OMG, the leftover pizza and garlic breadsticks are calling me from the fridge in the lunch room, and so are the nacho chips from the vending machine in the back. And I have hazelnut Ritter chocolate in my drawer... mmm. milk chocolate with whole crunchy hazelnuts...

a sweet, sweet night

He came over again last night, my gorgeous lover. It was wonderful. I brushed and stroked his hair and he read from a book out loud to me and the love we made was so long and so sweet, neither of us wanted it to end. I'm beginning to relax and trust in his affection for me. I'm still afraid for my heart, but it's so very nice to give myself over to these feelings. This passion, this hot, searing, beautiful love.

"I don't know how to love him, what to do, how to move him
I've been changed, yes really changed.
In these past few days, when I've seen myself,
I seem like someone else.

I don't know how to take this, I don't see why he moves me.
He's a man, he's just a man,
And I've had so many men before.
In very many ways, he's just one more.

Should I bring him down, should I scream and shout?
Should I speak of love, let my feelings out?
I never thought I'd come to this.
What's it all about?

Don't you think it's rather funny I should be in this position?
I'm the one who's always been so calm so cool
No lover's fool, running every show.
He scares me so.

I never thought I'd come to this.
What's it all about?

Yet, if he said he loved me, I'd be lost, I'd be frightened.
I couldn't cope, just couldn't cope.
I'd turn my head, I'd back away, I wouldn't want to know.
He scares me so..
I want him so..
I love him so.."
(Mary Magdalene's song from Jesus Christ Superstar)

Pirates of the Caribbean

Dianne and I have wanted to see this movie since my bday (over a MONTH ago), but with vacations, kids, work and everything else, we just couldn't seem to get it together. Finally, last night, we went to see it. It was gross, the guy with the octopus face and the various other crewmen with stages of turning into weirdo sea creatures, the beating heart in the chest, the big Cracken monster, some of the pirates with black teeth and fake eyeballs... but it was HILARIOUS! And of course Johnny Depp! He exaggerated and hammed it up quite a bit, but he was still great!
And ahhhhh. Orlando Bloom. Awww, what a hottie. A baby, really, so young, but a hottie nonetheless. And Keira Knightley, who is now one of my favourite young actresses, since I've seen Pride and Prejudice with her as Elizabeth Bennett. It was a fun movie, though I wouldn't consider it the greatest movie in history by any means. Lots of humorous situations, gorgeous scenery and awesome special effects. Then we went to East Side Marios and had a couple of drinks and chatted, it was nice. I had a Margarita (Strawberry... Yum) and Dianne had the Big Apple, which was very refreshing as well.

Brantford visit

Marilyn and I went to visit Sandra in Brantford yesterday. It was soooo good to see them again! Lots of things happened since we last met, especially to Sandra, who got married, moved, became part of a large extended family, she is now looking for a job in a new city, was pregnant and miscarried, had health problems, struggled with depression, whew... a lot has happened to this girl and I admire her, because you know what? She still has an amazing sense of humour, amongst all the tears when she was telling us about her miscarriage, she still found a way to make us smile. She is so strong and yet so vulnerable. OK, she is a bit of a drama queen and a bit of a diva, but we love her. I took her birthday present down for her (it's been in my closet since May), they were these mules that she admired at Payless one time in the spring, these babies are brown leather, studded, 4 and a half inch(!!!!!)heels! She walks in them like she was born into them.
They just got a puppy, an adorable little Westin terrier, looks like a teddy bear, all roly-poly, an adorable baby! His name is Hooligan, and he is named very, very well. He was chewing our sandals, attacking ankle bracelets, licking toes, running after us when we were taking those delicious items out of his reach, and then finally settled down under the kitchen table. Sandra picked him up, and that tireless bundle of energy just minutes before was a sucky ragdoll baby, cuddling against her chest and sleepily gazing at us.
Religion only came up once, they asked if I wanted to join an online Bible study, I said no and it was OK. Whew.
On the way back to London, Marilyn and I shared some stories about our kids, and Marilyn's mom, who has Alzheimers... The stories she told about her forgetfullness are both funny and heartbreaking. All in all it was a lovely day. I'm glad I went and re-connected with those girls.

It's JUST a game

I was browsing the Big Fish games site one night, looking for some mindless little game to play, since it's been a while since I've finished Mystic Inn and I was ready for some clicking. I stumbled on an amusing little game called "Teddy Bear Factory". I thought, oh, how CUTE, just like the Build a Bear workshop, right? Oh, yes, it started innocently enough. A conveyer belt, with blue, green and pink teddy bear parts on it, and you have to click and drag the individual parts to complete a cuddly teddy and hand it to the waiting child. How sweet! The kids came in, put in their order and you complete the teddy and give it to them. The teddys you complete and are not the right colour get boxed up and shipped out, but they also count towards your completion of the level. Awwww. There are little perks like "rainbow bear" parts that fit any other colour bear, and magnets that make the conveyer belt go backwards or go very slowly for a few seconds. However, if the teddy parts reach the end of the belt, they ALL turn into popcorn and you get demoted and lose the level. I did very well, made it all the way up to President of the Teddy Bear factory, SUCCESS, at last... But alas, I've only completed a third of the levels... But... I'm at the top, what could POSSIBLY go wrong? HA! Famous last words. I found it's a slippery slide from the top... If you don't make the right colour bears on time, the kids lose patience and leave, weeping... And the teddy parts are coming in, faster then ever. Now there are PURPLE parts! And, deviously, you get all but one arm of the pink teddy together, and then, for the next ten parts, there are NO PINK ARMS! What the hell happened to the pink arms???? No, not a leg, not a right arm... not a belly... A LEFT ARM! Oh, quick, another kid wants a green one, there, I got all the... wait... where is a green right leg???? Ok, let's start on a blue one then, OK, got that one off, OH SHOOOT the kid gave up and now I put the blue one in the box, just as another kid ALSO wanting a blue bear appears. And the left pink arm comes JUST after the kid leaves, weeping. F*&^. OK, let's just concentrate on putting these little beasts together quickly, just to finish the level, regardless of the lineup of stupid kids. Why can't they wait just a bit longer for those freakin' bears, anyway! And, why do these things have to have that STUPID grin on their faces? Don't they realize they are about to turn into popcorn, dammit? Oh, NOOOOOO. All is lost... I've been demoted, AGAIN, and I'm an apprentice... well, just try this level again... I'll be quicker this time, outsmart these horrid little creatures. But they keep coming! Faster and faster! I'm out of magnets! There are NO MORE rainbow parts.... SHIT! I've been FIRED! ME, the former PRESIDENT of the company! The humiliation! The shame! Where is my golden parachute! Just you wait! I'll come back and start over... With a vengeance. No pink teddy bear will stand in my way! I will be at the top once again!!!! Oh... yeah, yeah... of course, it's just a stupid game.. right.. OK.. I'm better now.. Clicking the quite button... ahhhh. I can breathe.

Fringe

This evening, I finally got to see a Fringe play. G. and I went to see the "Science Fair" at the Arts Project. It was so much fun! We both really enjoyed it. The girl who played Mr. Harry Butte (the science teacher), and one of the students, was HILARIOUS and a really, really talented actress with a rubber face! And the guy who provided the "background" music with a guitar was very funny, in a geeky, cute sort of way. It was (as the title suggests) about a high-school science fair and how a few students prepared for it. One was totally just into science for the science of it, another was in it with a university scholarship in mind, another one was dealing with raging hormones and all she wanted to do was get a boyfriend... In the end, of course, the "genius" boy and the shy "ugly" girl got together, and even the big-bellied, fake-moustached Mr. Butte won the heart of the cold stuck-up literature teacher. All of the actors played at least three roles, and it was amazing to see the quick transformation as they switched characters, even genders. They were all very good. We would have seen more shows but we were really hungry and after dinner, it was too late and I had to go home to relieve my babysitter (her boyfriend is leaving for a week, which is a really, really long time when you're 16, and they wanted to spend some time together before he left. awww young love.) G. took me to Ben Thahn, which is a thai restaurant on York Street (the BEST spring rolls, honestly!) G. ordered some beef curry, and it was really hot (one bite was enough to clear my sinuses, thank you very much, but he didn't think it was hot enough!). I ordered shrimp and broccoli in a teriyaki-like sauce, but it wasn't quite as sweet as teriyaki, which was nice. We wanted their coffee smoothies, which are amazing, but it takes 20 min to make and the girl forgot to put in our order... sniff. Then we walked a bit downtown, oh, btw. there is this shop on Talbot street called the Libido, obviously a sex shop, and there were... pillows in the window.. pillows that were all pink and red and frilly and they kinda looked like... giant pussies! They were actually really neat! Naughty art... Cute! I wonder who makes them... I don't think it's a guy.. probably a crafty lesbian chick. I'll have to go there one time when it's open and ask.

Sleepless in London

Cats, kids and cookie crumbs have NO BUSINESS in a person's bed!!!!!
Lydia was just HYPER yesterday and wouldn't go to bed - of course not, after three late nights, not having to get up early the next morning... And I was just beat, cuz I didn't get much sleep the night before that, either, but I will NOT complain about that. (grin) So she had a snack and watched tv on my bed, then I tucked her into her own bed and soon I was drifting off... but I noticed unusual brightness on the bottom of the door and decided to check it out... The little MONKEY turned on all her lights and was playing Gameboy on her bed! At 11 PM!!!! I turned the lights off, firmly tucking her in again, and was again drifting off into dreamland when the door opened. 11:30 PM!!!! Missy was in the doorway, with blankey and three of her plush animals and said in a pitiful voice: moooommmyyyy, my throat hurts and I can't stop coughiiiiiing. (The coughing part wasn't entirely true, I only heard a couple of small coughs, but she sounded so forlorn and I was too tired to argue. So I said, get in here and lifted my covers. She moved in with lightning speed and tried to hide her grin (the little monkey) as she settled in beside me. At midnight, she was still wiggling, whispering to her animals and generally keeping me awake and finally the Momma Bear growled: Lydia stop wiggling or you're going back to your own bed!!!!! So she quieted down and all was well. We both fell asleep. Then I woke up at 2 AM to a kick in my ribs, then around 3 to a slap of a small hand across my belly, then around 5 to snoring and thrashing... Arrrrggggh. And I came in to work to do the utility search, which I had to stop and do something else because my head was nodding and my eyes needed toothpicks to keep them open...
Tonight, it's early bedtime no matter what, in her own bed!!!!! and I have to change the sheets that are covered in cookie crumbs.

Enchantment

I'm in love. So deeply as if I fell into the abyss at the bottom of the Mariana trench. We had an amazing night together and my heart sings and is shaking, scared at the same time. I love him, truly, pathetically, unashamedly. I have no pride left. I could just hold him and brush his hair and caress him forever.

PDAs

Public Displays of Affection...
Lydia, her friend Keana and I went to the ribfest today. While they were going on the kiddie rides, I just sat there and watched the people go by. And suddenly, all I noticed were the couples who walked by, holding hands, hugging, giving each other quick kisses on the cheek, and showing their closeness in small, natural ways. And my heart just craved... That's what I want. Someone who is not ashamed of me, who will show the world he loves me. Someone who accepts me the way I am. Weak but passionate, kind but easily hurt, it's all inside me. Someone who doesn't have to hide his love for me. Someone who is easy to love. I will have it someday. Maybe right now is not the right time, but it will happen. I want harmony.

Build-a-Bear Workshop

Yesterday, Lydia and I had a hankering for Chinese food, so we headed to Masonville mall to Manchu Wok, plus she wanted to check out some x-box game that another friend of hers has. So as we were wandering around the mall, we noticed a new store. It's a Build-a-Bear!!!!! Here's how it works: You go in, and there are un-stuffed plush animal skins in bins, with a stuffed example sitting on the shelf above to see the finished product. You pick a skin (after carefully examining the features, the texture, the eyes, etc.). Lydia fell in love with this velvety soft beige bear, and I just LOVED the orange striped kitty, so we just HAD to pick them up. Then you go to the Sound station, and you can add any sound you want. There are barks, meows, giggles, lullabyes, I Love you's, lion roars, monkey sounds, etc. I think it's 16 different sounds... we had a great time listening to all of them and finally made our selections. Lydia's bear has 5 different sayings, such as "Hey girlfriend" or "it's great to have a friend like you", and my kitty has a lion's roar!!!! It was very busy in there, it was their first day open, but we had staff come up to us, to entertain us while we were standing in line for the Stuffing station.
When you finally get there, there is a girl standing by this huge machine full of fluff. You can pick where the sound will go (paw, head or belly), then the fluff gets blown into the plush animal skin through a thick metal pipe, (you can choose how soft/hard you want your animal to be). Then comes the fun part. You get to pick up a small fabric heart, the girl asks you what you want your animal to be like and you get to rub the heart, kiss it, jump up and down to "put energy" in it, sing a song to it, or whatever you want to do, and then make a wish. Then the girl puts the heart into the bear, takes half of the ID UPC code off the tag on the animal, and sfuffs that inside as well. The ID can be scanned and the animal can be returned to its rightful owner if lost and submitted to any Build-a-Bear store. Then the animal gets sown together on the back, and you proceed to the Fluffing station, which is basically just a blast of air blowing out of showerhead-like things. After your animal is nice and fluffy, you go to the "Dressing Room". I kid you not there are at least 200 different outfits to chose from, Buzz Lightyear gear, Firefighter helmets and workboots, Harley Davidson t-shirts and jeans, ballerina, bride and hip chick outfits and even baby layette. And the SHOES! Now I have a shoe fetish to begin with on my own, but honestly, who can resist mini flip-flops, fuzzy slippers, jean sandals, ballerina slippers, cowboy boots, and even light-up sneakers! Of course every item you add carries a discreet but none-too-shy price tag and the staff is more than happy to help you pick out accessories for your pets (lingerie - real panties and boxer shorts, with appropriately placed hole in the back for the tail to stick out - backpacks, purses, MP3 players, cell phones, lunch box - now THAT was adorable - sunglasses, even wigs!) Then you go to the computers and get to name your animal (Lydia's bear is Heidi, my cat is Alley) and print a birth certificate. Then comes the painful part at the cashier (hello, Visa), and your animal gets packed into this HUGE house-shaped box, and any outfits you bought get put into a cardboard wardrobe, and you're all set! All the staff is incredibly upbeat and happy, in a cheerleader kinda way, which can get annoying after a while, but the kids love it! And heaven forbid if it happens to be your birthday, then they all sing to you and make a big fuss over you and your animal.

"My furry friend is special. I brought it to life. I chose it. I stuffed it. I made it my own. I promise to love it and give it a home."

Get me coffeeee!!!!!!

I got this "special project" at work (that's what you get for doing your stuff fast, then you have time for these little tidbits - LOL). A client complained about their utility billings for his rental pool units (16 Units in 6 different buildings), and now I have the dubious honor of going back over 2 years (that's 24 MONTHS) worth of utility bills, recording the rate of Gas, Water, Electricity, the dates covered on the bill, when and how much we paid, when and how much we recorded, make comments if I notice any discrepancies, overpayments, overcharges... YIKES. Obviously, the other girls have done this before, because they all came over to offer sympathetic glances and helpful advice, spreadsheet templates and files. NOT fun! It took me 5 hours yesterday to do one building, but I'm getting more efficient, because this morning, it ONLY took be 3 and a half to do the next building... sigh. I needed 4 coffees yesterday through this process (you could say I was chain-coffeeing - I know, not a real word... whatever), and the dog didn't even get out to come and be petted... I just hope they won't have too many questions after they get the reports. On the upside, my boss did say she owes me lunch for doing this... LOL.
We got pizza today for lunch, everybody gathered in the lunch room and yacked and stuffed their face. Fun!

old friends

I got an email from an old friend, and then from another. I worked with these two girls back at IBM and we were very close while we worked together, but then, life happened and I got canned, S. moved away to marry a guy in Brampton, and M.'s mom had health problems and had to be moved to a nursing home. We haven't seen each other in months.. haven't chatted earnestly in over a year. They want to get together next Sat. I feel weird about it. Both of them are Baptists, really practicing their faith, going to church, praying, Bible study (which at one point I went to as well, because I wanted to understand what it's all about and I thought it will bring me peace if I could believe, too. Alas, I couldn't get past the believing in an all powerful being without any evidence for its existence, though I really tried. I felt like a fake.) So, in the past year and a half, my life and my way of thinking has changed a lot. Then, I was seeking, unsure of what to believe, now, I know the philosophy of life, or framework within which I feel comfortable, and it has nothing to do with church and God. I don't really know if I can relate to these girls anymore but I crave the closeness we once had. I also don't want to scare them, because I know, once I start talking about humanism and stuff like that, they'll probably think the devil is speaking through me or something.. LOL. And they'll start praying for my salvation for sure.

Pool Party

on a day like this, you need a pool! Lydia had two of her little friends over this afternoon and we went to the neighbour's pool. It's an above-ground, not HUGE, not for swimming laps, but it's very, very refreshing to sink into. It's about chest height for an adult, so it's perfect. The girls all grabbed noodles and they splashed and jumped and played. Lydia was showing off her new-found bravery - she jumped farthest and swam under water and dove in unexpectedly, gosh, I'm very proud of her, honest, that she is getting so comfortable in the water, but my heart just jumps every time she is under the water just a bit longer... The other two girls were more cautious, but they certainly all had a good time... hopefully, they got tired enough to sleep well!