Tarot Card

I liked this from J-Girl's blog, so I copied it.

You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents,
beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home
decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?
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CRAP

My computer is *&^% up. Andy downloaded some porn from a "free porn" website (DUH) and along with that, a nice little Trojan, some annoying pop-up things with pussies and tits all over it all the time, and a "fake virus alert" thing that keeps demanding that I buy their Virus Burster product immediately. I ran everything I could think of, quaranteened, deleted, etc, but it's still there, so I have to take it in to the shop again. Andy (feeling guilty and rightly so) agreed to pay for it... But, I'm out of commission again at home, no email, no internet, no messenger, no Astro Pop. Plus, I got a confirmation email on Sunday that they received my CREDIT CARD ORDER for $2,444.00 at Circuit City!!!!!! WHAT THE &*&^^%&*&(*)?????? So I called Circuit City (half an hour on the phone in queue) ask them to cancel the order (she said there was no order but I told her I'm cancelling it, wherever it is), cancelled my credit card, changed passwords on my online banking, etc.... That's all I need on top of everything else, plus boxes and boxes of stuff that's already packed and stuff that needs to be packed still (though I'm getting there). Hedy came down from Guelph yesterday to help me pack and Graham was absolutely FANTASTIC! He took Lydia with him for the afternoon, because he had his daughter Grace for the weekend, and the two girls played at his house and he even fed us all lunch (really tasty quesadillas) and fed the girls dinner!!!!! He was amazing!!!! Have to make him a nice Thank You card when I'm done moving.
Anyway, better get back to work now!!!!
sigh.

Sexy talk and giggles

My love was over last night. It was a spur-of-the-moment thing, I was going to pack all night, but we started chatting and it got into the "hot" territory and before I knew it, he was typing: I'll be right over. LOL.
His neighbour gave him a ride to my house and when he got inside, we couldn't get our clothes off fast enough. It was so nice, and afterwards, in the afterglow of passion, he said, I tried to get into the cybersex, but I thought, no, I've GOT to see you... when you typed mmm, it was the sexiest thing I've ever read.
And he looked me over and when I tried to cover up my belly (really, the only thing on my body I strongly dislike), he touched it and said, I love your belly. When I murmured, I hate my belly, he caressed me and touched me all over and said: "These: LOVE them. And that down there: I'm a HUGE fan! In fact, I should ask her for an autograph." Well, that got into a fit of giggly conversation about how "she" would accomplish writing down her name and what exactly her name would be, but than we agreed that she might be illiterate, but she is good at other things. So it went for the rest of the night, it was great to laugh and touch and cuddle, all the while knowing that in a little over a week, we can do this anytime we want. Life is good when you love and you are loved.

Scared, tired, headachy

today I'm unsure about everything. About Derek, about me, about what I'm doing. I know moving out is the right thing to do, I'm just worried that all the changes that are happening might be too much. I'm having second and third and fourth thoughts once in a while and they are just so strong today... probably because my head hurts horribly and it's hard to think clearly when it feels like there is a sharp icepick in my brain. Yesterday I was at Derek's in the evening and it was wonderful. We did normal couple things like having supper together and going out to buy a shower curtain. And, - this is significant for me, because of the traditional connotations - we got a set of dishes together. A lovely sage green - for Derek, green is his favourite colour - with simple, rustic lines and smooth texture - for me, because form and touch is very important. If you know the "Denby" style dishes, it's kind of like that, especially the mugs. Of course, it's not Denby, it's Royal something or other from Zellers... LOL. Surprisingly, Derek actually likes shopping... We got Jamie his New Year present (NOT Christmas, we are not going to do Christmas): a Spider Man toy that sings the "Itsy-bitsy spider" and "Spiderman", with his hands moving and dancing, it's totally adorable. I think I will get him a set of Spiderman plates and cutlery too, for the new house, and get a set of girly ones (Barbie or Strawberry Shortcake) for Lydia. Then we went back to his place and made plans for moving day and I brushed his hair and we cuddled, it was perfect. I came home to tuck Lydia into bed and fell asleep content and happy. Then this morning I woke up with a nauseating headache, so sharp and cruel, my brain got all muddled. Yucky thoughts started creeping up and they weakened my body and paralyzed my emotions... I started imagining problems for the future, what if I do this and what if he does that, etc. I hate these pesky thoughts, like dirty rats coming out from shadowed corners when I'm most vulnerable. I'm worried about our love fading; about finances; about me not voicing my opinions and feelings and then end up getting trapped, like I was in my marriage. I'll talk to him about that when we're together... sometimes I need some prodding when I say "oh, it's nothing" or "I'm fine" to reveal the problem... But now that I'm aware of what that leads to, I will try harder to express my feelings, even when it could lead to confrontation.

I know, I know

I have been neglecting my blog, even though things are happening fast around me. But I do have an excuse - my computer was POOCHED last week (thankfully, no data lost, it was only the RAM that got shorted, not the MOTHERBOARD or something awful like that). Cost me $120, which is not so bad...
Whew, where do I start?
First of all, bras! Jen and I went to Toronto two weeks ago and had a BLAST! Went to this special bra store (OMG, there are bras for $155!!!!! for heaven's sake, but they are sooo beautiful, it's worth every penny! Which I didn't have, and Jen was an incredible friend and offered to put my bra on her card and I'll pay her back. Thanks Jen! So finally, after hemming and hawing, I agreed to get fitted for a bra, and I was in for a surprise! I generally bought 42D's, which didn't fit me particularly well, but did the job OK... Wellllll! Officially, I'm a 38 E! Holy Cow! Who woulda thunk it???? So now I have a black strechy lacy, beautiful bra in the right size, and OMG, my boobs are GORGEOUS! I can look at them in this bra in the mirror forever! Help! I'm obsessed! LOL.
We also went to William Sonoma's, which is a beautiful kitchen store. We went in and it smelled heavenly in there! With peppermint and spices and pumpkin and apple cider! Beautiful dishes, tablecloths, bundt moulds, gadgets!!! aaaaah.
That day was a great, relaxing, fun day. Then back to reality - Derek and I have spent a lot of time looking for a suitable house. So many requirements: it has to be close to Lydia's school, Derek's ex wife's place and Derek's Mom's place, since she is taking care of his son in the morning, then she brings him over to Derek's in the afternoon, and then Derek takes him home to his Mom after 6. So it all has to jive, and it has to be big enough for all of us (Derek, Lydia, Jamie and I, the cats and the hamster, and Lydia's fish, Nemo). We had a few setbacks - we saw this beautiful house in Wortley village, it was perfect - but the lady decided to give it to another family. Some of them were rented out by the time I called (same day as it was in the paper), some of them didn't even reply to my call, some of them were DUMPS, etc. etc. And then, we finally found the ONE. We filled out the application yesterday. The location is good (not the absolute best, but workable for everyone), the house is HUGE, the price is OK. There is a big finished basement which Derek claimed for himself :-), two bedrooms on the ground floor which will be my room and Lydia's, a cozy, bright living room, a cute kitchen (though the cabinets need some sprucing up, honestly), even some furniture (dining room table and ALL the appliances, except a dishwasher, which I will work very hard to get ASAP!!!!). AAAANDDDD, the best part, a beautiful loft upstairs that's perfect for a playroom for the kids, and Jamie's bed can be there for when he sleeps over. Two bathrooms (basement and main), two fridges (you ALWAYS need extra freezer space), and an amazing back yard with a huge deck, with bbq and patio set that comes with the house. Sooo... we are moving December 1st. We are both very excited and happy. Jamie and Lydia have seen the place and they like it too, they ran around in the back yard and explored the loft (the storage cabinets tucked under the corners of the roof are a big hit for hide-and-seek). Now the hard part: packing! I'll have to go to the grocery store and get some boxes, and do some heavy-duty sorting, what's coming, what's not needed, etc. etc.
Everybody at work is very supportive, my boss wrote me a letter of recommendation, which really impressed the owner of the house. My boss's wife also said to ask if I need any help or advice - they truly are a wonderful resource, they know a lot of people, they both had been through a divorce, with kids involved, and nobody knows properties, houses, rentals like they do, being owners of a property mgmt company.
Well, this is it for now, I'm taking my Mom out for lunch, it's her birthday this week.
Hugs everyone, and thanks for being patient with me.