old friends

I got an email from an old friend, and then from another. I worked with these two girls back at IBM and we were very close while we worked together, but then, life happened and I got canned, S. moved away to marry a guy in Brampton, and M.'s mom had health problems and had to be moved to a nursing home. We haven't seen each other in months.. haven't chatted earnestly in over a year. They want to get together next Sat. I feel weird about it. Both of them are Baptists, really practicing their faith, going to church, praying, Bible study (which at one point I went to as well, because I wanted to understand what it's all about and I thought it will bring me peace if I could believe, too. Alas, I couldn't get past the believing in an all powerful being without any evidence for its existence, though I really tried. I felt like a fake.) So, in the past year and a half, my life and my way of thinking has changed a lot. Then, I was seeking, unsure of what to believe, now, I know the philosophy of life, or framework within which I feel comfortable, and it has nothing to do with church and God. I don't really know if I can relate to these girls anymore but I crave the closeness we once had. I also don't want to scare them, because I know, once I start talking about humanism and stuff like that, they'll probably think the devil is speaking through me or something.. LOL. And they'll start praying for my salvation for sure.