what a difference

a few days can make!
I re-read my last post and it feels like it's not even me... I know that at the time it made sense, but now.. not anymore. It all started when I told Derek what I'm planning. I knew he won't be too happy but I figured he'll accept it. Not so much. He got very jealous and very hurt and very possessive. Most of the thought process happened when I wasn't there. I told him about it last Sunday night and on Monday, he called me at work, which he never did before. I went over to his place after work and we talked. and talked. and talked. and came to the conclusion that both of us are hurting at the thought of sharing each other with other people and that it's not worth the pain. And.. we committed to not sleeping with anyone else until further discussion on the subject. (Both of us are reluctant to say "ever" or "while we are together" because we both know things happen in a relationship, if not now, then years down the road, so both of us were comfortable with the idea that if we ever think otherwise, we'll talk about it again). It was a BIG step since we both felt that monogamy can be very damaging and old-fashioned and "ownership-based", etc. We shook hands on it. And, since then, I'm in cloud nine. And he is, too. We talked and talked endlessly about our feelings, about our relationship, about plans for the future and it's so good and it feels so right. We went away this weekend, to Ipperwash, rented a beautiful little cottage and hid away from the rest of the world. It was amazing. It was wonderful. It was profound.
We made love in front of the fireplace. Walked on the beach. Read books to each other. Wrote together. Talked about our lives and our future. Watched a movie. Held hands. Ate together. Danced to Celtic-type music (Ashley MacIsaac). Counted pigs in the bathroom (the lady who owns the cottage is obviously into pigs - we counted 50 in the bathroom!!!). Smoked pot and giggled together. It was an incredible weekend and we left reluctantly this afternoon.
Tomorrow, we are going to look for houses together. We decided we want to live with each other.