A rollercoaster weekend

wow. What a strange weekend!
My Mom: I told her what happened and she totally blamed me. She said I should apologize to A., that I never should have angered him so much that he felt the need to hit me. Thanks, Mom. She also told me to pray and that she is praying for me. Great, that will help a lot. I lost it at work, I cried at my desk, S. from Accounts Receivable hugged me and we chatted briefly about mothers. And then, a couple of hours later, the phone rings, and it's Mom's number. I thought (though why, I don't know, why would she start giving me what I need???) she is calling to say she loves me and she'll help me get through this, but NO. She asked me to drop into Basic Foods and get her three cases of canning jars, as she was just starting to do her tomatoes. When I dropped off the cases, I was wearing pants, so of course I got a passing remark about women dressed like men and walking so far away from God. By then I was just defiant and angry and left with a really short goodbye.
On Friday, my friend Dianne called to tell me there is a whole bunch of vacancies in her coop, and I called right away, left a message. Their office hours are Monday and Thursday, so I'm expecting a call today. I talked to Lydia about changing schools, and actually, it went better than I expected... A big rock off my chest. That coop is at Fanshawe and Adelaide, very nice area, very good school, not grubby and depressing like some of the apartments I've been looking at, a 3 bedroom townhouse in a very clean, lovely coop, fairly reasonable.
Then on Friday afternoon, I had 5 girls over at my house, it was great listening to them play and giggle.
Then on Saturday morning, Andy and I had a talk, he actually apologized for what he did, he said he was way out of line and we had a comfortable chat. It was nice.
On Saturday afternoon, D. and I took Lydia and his son to the Fair and had a great time, it was so cute to see the two of them together. His little boy copies EVERYTHING Lydia does, it's hilarious. We had fun watching them on rides and generally just being together. Then in the evening, I went over to his place and had a great evening watching Curb your Enthusiasm shows off DVD and chatting and just hanging out. He told me he loved me a countless times and gosh, he sounds so sincere when he said it, and the fool that I am, I believed him. When I went home I felt so good, so calm and like everything was right with the world.
Then Sunday happened. Andy came up with the idea again for us to stay in the house and now he truly promised to move down to the basement (which he was only starting to work on half-assed before). He said he'll make Christmas a deadline, and until then, or after, he will not touch me or Lydia, and will work on the basement every weekend. Sigh. It was tempting, especially because he already told Lydia, who was begging me to stay, but I knew it is a BAD idea. So I said I still intend to move out, but as usual, he explained all the reasons why my idea was totally stupid and then proceeded to act like I've agreed to stay, talking about cleaning up the basement and getting the litterboxes upstairs. I was like, did you not hear what I said????? Then in the evening, since I still had the babysitter booked from 5 to 10, I went over to D's place (I couldn't reach him on the phone, but I figured, after the night we spent together and the way he was talking, it's OK). And the door swung open, he was standing in the doorway, and look, there is a woman behind him sitting on the couch. I went in anyway, still thinking, ok, it's not what you think. She was introduced and we had a nice little chat and we hung out for a while, his neighbour came over too, and all the while my head was going a hundred miles an hour. He later said that he was trying to fix her up with Peter, but I don't think that was the reason she was there in the first place. To top it off (and now I'm going to sound disgustingly elitist), she is kinda trashy, tattoos on her back and her upper arm, outdated glasses and horrible haircut and grown-down dye job, and none too bright either, doesn't have much to say, mostly just giggle. Oh don't get me wrong, nice, harmless girl, but clearly not even from the same planet as me. As the three of them were talking about how high they've gotten in the past and how fun that was, or how horrible, I thought, hell, this is SOOO not my scene, I'm worth SO much more that this. Suddenly, it was just too much and wasn't remotely fun anymore so I left early and came home, but then I couldn't sleep, thoughts swirling in my head and my heart PHYSICALLY in pain. Is that what a heartbreak feels like? Or is this just my heart expelling him from itself and leaving a huge gaping hole where my love for him used to be? I don't know. I guess I'll find out in the next couple of days.