Complicated

I realized that in my last few posts, I've been only complaining about my love, and you guys probably have no idea why I even bother with this guy! I know, I know. Well, let me explain. Besides being a lovesick fool, I do have reason to feel the way I feel. I feel such an amazing, powerful, unbreakable connection to him. When we are together, we laugh and we cry and we read to each other, talk about silly things or serious things, about kids, and family and life in general. When he opens up to me, it's so breathtaking, so incredible. And he has this way of looking up from whatever he is doing and staring at me and saying, you are so beautiful. Or rubs my hair and says, you're so cute, with this little smile. And I just melt. Or, when he looks into my eyes and says he loves me... it's the most amazing, dizzyingly happy feeling in the world. It's not just the sex. Both of us said a few times that we feel a connection to the other unlike anything else we've ever felt for anyone else: a body, mind and emotional bond that's so rare. He said, what I feel for you is the closest to religion a humanist can experience. And I believe him, it's not that he is just trying to charm me, he knows he already has. He is so sincere, he sometimes has tears in his eyes when he confesses his love to me.
He can be so arrogant and cocky, and yet so unsure of himself, second-guessing and jumping to conclusions. He can be cold and distant sometimes, and then loving and caring and make me feel like I'm the center of his universe. He pulls away and I want to get inside that head of his, just to know what he is thinking... and then he comes so close, we are almost one mind.
It's the complexity of the man that I love, and the fact that he is a free spirit. So to try to change him, to alter the essence of him, which is the very thing that I love wouldn't make sense. I love him, just the way he is.