marriages

Yes, I'm harping on this, again... another marriage on the rocks, though there is still hope for them, at least they are communicating...
I have these four Hungarian friends. We are each others' confidants, support network, cheering team, therapists, everything. We exchange emails every day, and chat on msn when we can (timing - the 6-hour time difference sucks- ,kids, work, schedules, families, etc. permitting).
Two of these girls I've never met, they were my friend Hedy's friends at university.
First gir, let's call her Ursa. Married to a guy who studies the sun for a living at the Meteorology Institute in Hungary. They have a six-year-old daughter. Ursa is a nature scientist/artist/creative person. She worked at the Budapest Zoo, worked at the Conservation Authority to protect rare wildlife and plantlife in Hungary. Now she started a radio with a bunch of people. She is amazing. Her husband is an animal. Very funny guy on email, but he swears (every second word is fuck or some such thing), burps, farts, whatever, and also (as most Central- and Eastern European men) very pessimistic in his outlook. Ursa did love him, once. She doesn't anymore. They just "exist" in the same house, and Ursa, well, she did have a few intimate friends to make it a bit easier. We were teasing her lots because she has just experienced her first orgasm a few months ago, with the help of a new friend's deft fingers. She is 35 ys old. (what I wanted to know is, what kind of men did she sleep with before if she'd never had one with any of them????). So, the marriage of two creative, brilliant, scientific minds is NOT ideal.
The second girl: Joanna. She comes from a wealthy family and her husband (a handsome hunk of a guy) probably married her for money (not my opinion, others who actually know the couple told me). Their life is mostly shopping, taking vacations (sometimes with their two boys, sometimes as a couple), they get a new car every couple of years, she regularly changes the furniture and decor in her home. On the outside, they probably look like the golden family, they have it all, great jobs, money, house, kids, cars, everything. So why does Joanna's heart soar and knees get week when she sees this certain "friend", a doctor (also married)? They were only intimate once in the few years they've known each other, they are afraid that it could become very serious between them, yet they still meet, unable to let go of each other, and also unable to let go and just see where their passion would lead... And, btw. last year, Joanna caught her oh-so-handsome husband red-handed with an 18-year-old girl... He does nothing around the house and leaves all the decisions, the child-raising, the housework, everything to her.
The third, you've heard about her before, is Hedy. She lives in Guelph now, with her depressed husband. They've found out recently that they will not be able to have children, due to his very low sperm count. Their doctor recommended surgery to repair a broken blood vessel in one of his testicles, thinking it might improve things, but he decided he doesn't want to do that. She sees that as a deliberate sabotage of their chance to have a child, so that doesn't improve things one bit. He is also one of those immigrants who think he is too good for Canada, and constantly pines to go back to Europe. Hedy wants nothing to do with that, she loves it here, found a good job, found friends, and doesn't want to go somewhere and start over yet again. Since they only have sex every blue moon, (if that), Hedy is also seeing someone on the side.
And there is me, you know what my life is like if you've read my previous posts.
And then there is Silvie. Beautiful, strong Silvie who all through our belly-aching and torrid affairs and husband-bashing, maintained that her boyfriend wonderful, caring and faithful, their relationship is equal, supportive and amazing, and to top it all off, they just had a gorgeous baby girl! But while she was pregnant, Silvie's mom was diagnosed with cancer, and it seemed to have spread through her body very quickly, and the doctors pretty much have given up on her. Now she has a newborn and her dying mother to take care of, a grieving and angry father to support emotionally, her own feelings and post-natal hormones to deal with and her boyfriend just dropped the ultimatum: He is tired of "always giving and giving and never receiving" and if Silvie doesn't move back home right away, (she's been living with her parents since the baby was born to be close to the mother she doesn't have much time left with), he will start sleeping with the charming divorcee next door.
Silvie sent out a "HELP!!!" email to ask our opinions and we all immediately sent her our support and love and advice, encouraging her and telling her that it's a good thing that he actually came to her to tell her this, and not just started sleeping with the woman without any discussion. She's decided to move home immediately, but feels torn and guilty for not being able to be there for her mom. But, I ask you, why can he not see the situation she is in? Why is he making her choose NOW, when he knows (it's pretty obvious at this point) that her mom will not last long? Why is it always up to the woman to make the hard decisions and sacrifice?????
I don't know..... yet again, my belief (that little that was left) in the institution of marriage is shaken. Is it just because I don't happen to have a lot of good examples around me? Or is it that there IS no such thing as happily ever after? Or at least, foor richer for poorer, in sickness and in health? I know you can't possibly be happy all the time, but at least supporting and kind to each other, or if nothing else, at least not hurting the other?