Unbalanced

is the word for this weekend. Emotions up and down. Yesterday, after A. left, I felt relieved to have told him. Then I swung into fear, then tears, then anger, oh, it was too much! I felt better again while I went to the Talk Exchange (it was pretty interesting, we talked about UFO's), and afterwards, I went to visit my friend Barb and we had a great chat. It was nice to just veg out on her couch and vent and listen to her relationship troubles as well. I resisted the urge to sob on her shoulders. Then I chatted a bit on line and my lover was on, and he didn't even ask how I was doing, only after I asked him if he got my email. I don't understand... He tells me he considers me a good friend "with benefits", but he just doesn't seem to care, not really. When we're together it's great, I feel really close to him and the sex is wonderful and we talk and cuddle, and then he steps back, keeping me at arms length until he decides it's time for him to let me close again for a few hours. I got off line and then I was really angry, not just about that, but that was part of it, too. Then I started crying, just sobbing and finally, after that I was able to fall asleep. Woke up a few times in the middle of the night, thinking about the move, the money, the amount of work it will all take and I was filled with anxiety. Maybe I'll go back on the anti-depressants after all to help me through this time...