Big discussions
All of a sudden, we have a lot to talk about, my husband and I. Hashing out all the details, money, house, kid, everything... Most of the time he is pretty rational about it, he thinks it's the right decision. We are very civil to each other, I hope it will stay that way. I assured him that I'm not out to "get him", I don't consider him my enemy and that I hope to still remain friendly after the separation; if nothing else, for our daughter's sake. There were a few things that surprised me, though I guess it shouldn't have, not really... He only wants his daughter once a month. For a day. Preferably NOT overnight... that hurts. I feel for her. On the other hand, I know how bad he can get with his black moods, so maybe it is better if her time with him is limited.... But I know it will hurt her. I will explain to her that it's not her fault and hope she'll believe it.
Sometimes, I have moments of relief, sometimes, moments of dread. I went back on the Prozac, just in case, for the next few months... I can't really afford to break down, so I thought I better... Once things are settled, and we've moved out, I can wean myself off once again.
Here's to new beginnings, no matter how difficult the birth of them is...
posted by flameskb at 5:44 AM
3 Comments:
Congratulations on keeping sane through what must be a very difficult time for you. How old is Lydia? Believe me, even though it's hard slogging right now, it gets easier for you both as time goes on.
12:23 AM
I really feel for your daughter in this situation. She loves her daddy, I'm sure, and not seeing him (especially when she realizes it's at his request) is really going to hurt. You're going to have a tough slog ahead of you, but I'm sure you'll make it through with flying colours! See you at 5!
10:19 AM
My girl is 6, will be seven in... ermm 33 days? is it, J-Girl? LOL. J-Girl and Lydia share the same bday (though not the same year, hee hee).
Yes, I know, it will be hard. I'm hoping he'll change his mind once he is on his own. I think right now, he craves the peace and quite and solitude, but once he's had his rest and a break from us, he'll realize he needs to see her... I HOPE. Otherwise, yes, it will be very hard, and it will be a rejection she will carry for the rest of her life. But I will do everything in my power to explain (and get it through) to her that it's NOT HER FAULT.
It will get easier, I know it. We still talk, and we are fairly friendly. I still cook meals, and things are going on as before, I think maybe there is more honesty now between us and more communication, which is great. He told me yesterday he is not sure if he wants to "keep me or let me go" and I said, the decision has already been made. He seemed to accept that.
10:49 AM
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