Armageddon Day

Yesterday, in honor of Mother's day, I spent almost the entire day with my Mom. (I don't get to see her on Sundays, they usually spend the entire day at church) I got her a cross-stich kit with the pattern and yarn to make a pretty picture (a rose). She loves cross-stitch and she is almost finished with her latest one, an elaborate picture of a rooster, so I know she'll be looking for a new project soon. I made her a card, I found the perfect idea at Michael's when I was browsing through the card accessories: a piece of embroidery fabric, yarn and tiny scissors, all in a mini size, to stick on a card. So I made an "embroidery card" for her in pinks and soft mossy greens, it was lovely. So anyway, I arrived there, in a skirt, conservative top (everything covered), no jewellery except a watch. Thankfully, Michael was mowing the lawn, had no time for Bible reading. The visit started out nice enough, Mom loved the gift and the card, we chatted about Lydia, school, work, Mom's sewing, Michael's family (he's got six kids and 17 grandkids), and she asked to go to Trail's End market. We both LOVE that market, it's way the heck out on Dundas East, and it reminds us of the markets back home in Hungary - not the fancy ones like Covent Garden for sure! No pavement, just dirt paths stomped down by hundreds of feet. Tables of colourful veggies and fruit, not arranged in any way, just dumped on the tables or in rough, many times reused paper baskets. The sights and smells of a real market. On the inside, there are giant coolers with meat and fish (not my favourite part for sure) and cold cuts. Little bakeries that serve coffee in plain paper or foam cups, no Starbucks or Timmies logo here, but the pastry is fresh and yummy... So we walked through the market, admired the flowers, planned Mom's garden, it was so nice. Then after shopping, we headed back to London, and that's when the bad part started. Mom asked if I've changed my mind about leaving Andy in the near future, I said no, I'm still planning to do that, and now that I have a job, it will be soon. Now, a few weeks ago, Mom surprised me by being supportive of these plans, but I guess now that the time draws nearer, she's either changed her mind or talked to Michael, or some biddies at the church. She started saying how I should remember what a marriage should be like, that I should be long-suffering and obedient to my husband and pray for him, and pray for my own patience and kindness towards him, etc. etc. That God doesn't want families to be broken up and the vows we took are for forever. What she said wasn't really new, I've heard it all before, but it just totally took me unawares, after the lovely way the day started.... I reminded her what she said a few weeks ago, that I was right and I shouldn't stay in such an unhappy state and especially to subject my child to systematic verbal putdowns and abuse, and that she will help me any way she can. She said, yes, of course, if I still feel this way, I should leave, but she thinks that if I pray enough, God will somehow magically (my words, not hers) put happiness and love in my heart, despite the way Lydia and I are being treated.... F&@#*!!! She even put an example to me, a woman from the church who was married over 30 years to this monster, who was an alcoholic and regularly beat her and the children. She had 9 children with this man, the last one is retarded, and she lost the next 3 pregnancies because he beat her so badly. And she still prayed for him and was a total doormat for all of their marriage, and she prayed for love from God and apparently got it, because still, she said she loved the man... So finally, after the guy died a natural death (and none too soon), she still mourned him and now she is living with the one retarded adult child and telling everyone about her history, putting herself up on a high pedestal of long-suffering saintly martyrdom. So, this is the example I should be following, and it will be so much easier for me, because at least, I'm not being beaten! Yippee! Sounds like a walk in the park, doesn't it?
And after all this (by this time, I just stopped talking, I didn't want to argue with her, it was pointless, like arguing with the mentally ill, since her brainwashed programming took over), she then started saying (supposedly, to cheer me up), that the world is gonna end soon anyways, because all the prophets at her church (yes, the ones that speak in tongues out loud, and the ones that collapse in the ailes of the church, sobbing and wailing in their "passion for God" or whatever it is), they are all saying that time is at hand, Christ is coming, and we should all be prepared, and then after minor unpleasantness, like natural disasters and fire and brimstone, we'll all live happily til the end of time.... You know, the lion curled up with the lamb and everyone singing and praying for all eternity... (makes me puke!!!)
Anyways, after I finally dropped her off at home and kissed her goodbye, I was just in a FUNK, and I still can't quite shake it... And I'm off my anti-depressants, which is great news, but right now, I wish I could just pop a pill and be done with it.