I'm getting frustrated!!!!!

1. I need a JOB. NOW. Not just any job, a job that is full time, with benefits, and preferably enough money so I can finally move out. A. and I are just barely existing together, wouldn't call it a marriage or even "living" together. Every word he says hurts me and/or irritates me. I know it's partly because of my attitude, because before, I was always able to explain away or brush aside the hurt he caused me and now I'm not willing to do that anymore. But after what I've learned in therapy, shutting up and taking it is no longer an option. He noticed it, this change, my willingness to finally stand up for myself and he challenges it on every turn, whether it's with sex or nasty comments, or whatever. He actually told me, if I screw up (and you really never know what constitutes as screwing up with him, just whatever pisses him off at the moment) he will "punish" me with sex. What kind of a comment is that???? I don't want to hate him, but more and more, I can just feel the negative feelings building up in me. I hate this power play. I don't want to be a doormat anymore, but I don't want to be challenged all the time either. Crap. Why is this so complicated?????
I talked to my shrink about this whole thing, the sex and the power and he said not to worry, really, my sexuality is great, and what we have with A. is not about sex, it's about power. So we did a session on power and it all went back to my Dad and I bawled and bawled and it was awful, but afterwards, I felt much better and stronger. Hey, maybe once I can finally move out, I can get over Filo and kick P. out of my life and start over... Now, if only I could figure out what the heck is a "normal" relationship is supposed to be like....
2. My other frustration is that nobody reads this stupid blog. Why do I even bother... Oh well, it's therapeutic anyway.