Being a Woman

OK, is there ANYTHING in this world more humiliating than a visit at the gyn? I had the "pleasure" yesterday for my post-surgery follow up. So there you are, ushered into this little room, with the paper-covered table looming large, occupying an entire wall. You are given one of those lovely blue gowns (if you're lucky, if not, it's a paper sheet to cover your... ahem... things). So you change and take a seat on the table. I usually put my feet up, too, sitting lengthwise, so there isn't a lot of bodily adjustments when the doctor comes in. You are naked, save the thin gown, and barefoot, and very, very vulnerable and usually cold, too. You try to look around casually, but everywhere you look, you are just reminded of why the heck you are there: the posters of the female reproductive system and the breast, ads for condoms and safe sex, a chart of different birth control methods on the walls. The pregnancy due-date calculation wheel and the different requisition slips on the desk. The (aaarrrrgggghhh) lubricant, the latex gloves (extra large, gulp) and the container of pee-testing strips on the counter. Then the doctor comes in, fully dressed, of course, no thin little blue gown for him, thank you very much, although, let's face it, I would probably freak if he was wearing one, but anyway. So he comes in, you tell him why you're there (although my doc usually is up on things, he knows). He tries to crack a couple of jokes to "break the ice" but frankly, even if you manage a half-smile, you'd rather be ANYWHERE else on this Earth than here... And then, the moment of truth comes, you put your feet up on those darn stirrups, stare at the ceiling (tiles and neon lights), and try to pretend you're somewhere else... Thankfully, my doc doesn't chat too much while he is down there, saving you the humiliation of trying to think of some witty comment to say about the weather, or where you're going on vacation.... I usually try not to think about what's going on, but it's really difficult when you have metal things shoved up where metal things really shouldn't go... So finally, when he is all done with you, he tells you the "findings" while you're still shivering, now from the cold AND the unpleasantness of it all, so you don't even listen, just think about putting your clothes on and getting the heck outta there! Thankfully, everything is fine, so I don't have to come back for a follow-up follow-up, that's all I wanted to hear. Then you thank him for doing this to you and then he leaves and you put on your clothes as quickly as possible. You leave the room, relieved that it's all over and look at the other unfortunates out there, still waiting for their turn.